Dear Heather Itzen,
I'm sorry. You were never meant to step in a pot hole or fall into a subway track or be reduced to a gelatinous mound of human flesh. You wear pink quite beautifully, and if you had worn a black sweater vest today we would be virtual twins. Twins that can read each other's minds and seduce men. Well, you can seduce men. I will probably end up doing it because of the closet of Express I own. I basically am made out of Express clothing. So you could say I'm in the closet. Can we be friends again now? I'll buy you another bottle of wine!
Hoping you'll push me in a pothole and aid in my mugging by a smelly homeless man,
Daniel "Fat Kid" Crump
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
My memory returned!
So earlier, my thoughts had escaped me. But as I oftentimes refer to my brain like a relentless pack of prison bloodhounds, I have tracked down and remembered what I wanted to share with both of you.
So, recently I've rediscovered Pandora internet radio. I have an application on my iFaux just for Pandora, but I've never really used it. Well, after taking advantage of my office's exemplary Wi-Fi I've been rocking out to my Aerosmith channel all day long! It probably is the BEST channel for Pandora. I've heard AC/DC, Queen, Def Leopard, The Beatles, and of course Aerosmith. Now I'm thinking about adding a Michael Jackson channel. TeeHeehee.
In other news, Dan Rather told me today to never marry a stripper because she might strangle me in my sleep. That man is so full of knowledge.
Check back later today for select picture from New York City. Facebook is being so un-book with posting photos. So I'll just post some here!
Crump out.
So, recently I've rediscovered Pandora internet radio. I have an application on my iFaux just for Pandora, but I've never really used it. Well, after taking advantage of my office's exemplary Wi-Fi I've been rocking out to my Aerosmith channel all day long! It probably is the BEST channel for Pandora. I've heard AC/DC, Queen, Def Leopard, The Beatles, and of course Aerosmith. Now I'm thinking about adding a Michael Jackson channel. TeeHeehee.
In other news, Dan Rather told me today to never marry a stripper because she might strangle me in my sleep. That man is so full of knowledge.
Check back later today for select picture from New York City. Facebook is being so un-book with posting photos. So I'll just post some here!
Crump out.
Case of the Mondays
So my attempt to solicit votes to update my blog failed. Like, epically failed. Only two people voted to see an update. So, thank you to both my readers. I'm surprised you're still hanging in there.
On a related note, I did have a Facebook status update elicit 35 comments. That has to be a record for a non-argumentative stream of status comments. So thank you to the six that made that happen.
At work today, I've had the pleasure of running an errand for Dan Rather! That's sooo an assistant-level duty, but it was bequeathed upon the lowly interns. I, being the upstarting young male WASP, eagerly took the job. I had to deliver a "package" to a "trust company" at "Rockefeller Center." The journey was fun, but waiting in the enormous lobby of 630 Fifth Ave was even funner. Seeing the blend of modernist and art-deco architecture inspired me. I'm going to work there one day. And be in your television sets. And your minds.
Something else was on my mind that I felt like sharing here to both of you, but alas; I have forgotten. Maybe I'll remember and post it later. Thanks & gig'em.
I'm Daniel Crump, been Crumpin it since '88.
On a related note, I did have a Facebook status update elicit 35 comments. That has to be a record for a non-argumentative stream of status comments. So thank you to the six that made that happen.
At work today, I've had the pleasure of running an errand for Dan Rather! That's sooo an assistant-level duty, but it was bequeathed upon the lowly interns. I, being the upstarting young male WASP, eagerly took the job. I had to deliver a "package" to a "trust company" at "Rockefeller Center." The journey was fun, but waiting in the enormous lobby of 630 Fifth Ave was even funner. Seeing the blend of modernist and art-deco architecture inspired me. I'm going to work there one day. And be in your television sets. And your minds.
Something else was on my mind that I felt like sharing here to both of you, but alas; I have forgotten. Maybe I'll remember and post it later. Thanks & gig'em.
I'm Daniel Crump, been Crumpin it since '88.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Like a scene from a movie. Or the Bible.
Note to self: next time, bring a helicopter.
Celebrating the 4th of July in New York City is a bit like getting a rectal exam at a teaching hospital: it's always more crowded than you'd like it to be, everyone in the room gets to touch you, and your butt hurts afterward. I hear ecstasy makes both rather enjoyable, though. Dan Rather enjoyable.
The evening started off with Heather, Nicole and me going to Tortilla Flats, a John Steinbeck-inspired restaurant. Just kidding, it was tex-mex. But I guess it was more like new-tex-mex. Anyways, while there the drinks were flowing and the salsa was running and the three of us were feeling rather good. Dan Rather good.
Then, all shit broke loose. To make a log story short, I was told, "Fuck you!" and said, "OK!" and almost got arrested for throwing quarters. Keep your change, kids. It adds up.
So Heather and I watched the Macy's fireworks from the highway. Yes, the highway. The NYPD closed it for like two hours for the fireworks. And aftermath. The fireworks show put on by Macy's was the largest I've ever seen in my entire life. Six barges in the Hudson River shot fireworks into the sky, over 20 city blocks. Our vantage point was just right so that we could see all six barges. Truly spectacular.
But probably the most spectacular sight of the whole night was seeing the mass-exodus of people. Thousands of people flooded, literally flooded, every street in the mid-town area. Picture the movie "I Am Legend" when everyone and their infected mom were trying to escape Manhattan island. Only less terror and more zombies. Wait...
Heather and I survived (eventually) and made it home. The subway ride sure was fun. I rather like standing in extremely close proximity to sweaty strangers who may or may not be harboring the hantavirus and just had explosive diarrhea. Dan Rather like.
But that's New York City for you.
The bad news out of all of this is I forgot my camera. So you're just going to have to use your imagination. Shouldn't be too hard with the ecstasy.
And I'd told my Bluebonnet Award is in the mail.
Crump out.
Celebrating the 4th of July in New York City is a bit like getting a rectal exam at a teaching hospital: it's always more crowded than you'd like it to be, everyone in the room gets to touch you, and your butt hurts afterward. I hear ecstasy makes both rather enjoyable, though. Dan Rather enjoyable.
The evening started off with Heather, Nicole and me going to Tortilla Flats, a John Steinbeck-inspired restaurant. Just kidding, it was tex-mex. But I guess it was more like new-tex-mex. Anyways, while there the drinks were flowing and the salsa was running and the three of us were feeling rather good. Dan Rather good.
Then, all shit broke loose. To make a log story short, I was told, "Fuck you!" and said, "OK!" and almost got arrested for throwing quarters. Keep your change, kids. It adds up.
So Heather and I watched the Macy's fireworks from the highway. Yes, the highway. The NYPD closed it for like two hours for the fireworks. And aftermath. The fireworks show put on by Macy's was the largest I've ever seen in my entire life. Six barges in the Hudson River shot fireworks into the sky, over 20 city blocks. Our vantage point was just right so that we could see all six barges. Truly spectacular.
But probably the most spectacular sight of the whole night was seeing the mass-exodus of people. Thousands of people flooded, literally flooded, every street in the mid-town area. Picture the movie "I Am Legend" when everyone and their infected mom were trying to escape Manhattan island. Only less terror and more zombies. Wait...
Heather and I survived (eventually) and made it home. The subway ride sure was fun. I rather like standing in extremely close proximity to sweaty strangers who may or may not be harboring the hantavirus and just had explosive diarrhea. Dan Rather like.
But that's New York City for you.
The bad news out of all of this is I forgot my camera. So you're just going to have to use your imagination. Shouldn't be too hard with the ecstasy.
And I'd told my Bluebonnet Award is in the mail.
Crump out.
Happy Birthday!
America! On America's birthday, the Texas interns are spending a beautiful evening in New York City. The weather is lovely and the fireworks are said to be the best in years. Check back tomorrow (or some later date) for pictures.
Also, I'd like to thank my readers for making my blog a phenomenal success. I've been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, a Nobel Peace Prize, and a Bluebonnet Award. So, to both of you, thank you.
Crump out.
Also, I'd like to thank my readers for making my blog a phenomenal success. I've been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, a Nobel Peace Prize, and a Bluebonnet Award. So, to both of you, thank you.
Crump out.
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