Dear Heather Itzen,
I'm sorry. You were never meant to step in a pot hole or fall into a subway track or be reduced to a gelatinous mound of human flesh. You wear pink quite beautifully, and if you had worn a black sweater vest today we would be virtual twins. Twins that can read each other's minds and seduce men. Well, you can seduce men. I will probably end up doing it because of the closet of Express I own. I basically am made out of Express clothing. So you could say I'm in the closet. Can we be friends again now? I'll buy you another bottle of wine!
Hoping you'll push me in a pothole and aid in my mugging by a smelly homeless man,
Daniel "Fat Kid" Crump
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